Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
