the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
