What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
