i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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