I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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