What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I came so hard my ears popped.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
