My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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