In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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