dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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