Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
