So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
wow bdsm is so cute
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
