So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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