Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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