You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We got so high we made milksteak
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
