whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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