In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
