I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
