Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
