Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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