Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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