You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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