It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
