Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
