I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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