I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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