I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
