sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
