If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
