Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
