So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
