Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
