Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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