Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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