It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
