I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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