even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
