who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
