i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
