I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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