Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
