she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
