the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
