What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
