they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
