Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so let's talk penis.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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