There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
