I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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