Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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