I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
