his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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