last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
