i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
