her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
ok first of all what the fuck
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