Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
