That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
