Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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