You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
